A couple of weeks ago I celebrated a birthday. There were no balloons or burning candles on birthday cakes. However, there was a lot of introspective soul searching. I spent a lot of time evaluating year 33 in between meet ups with friends who wanted to celebrate my life over bougie grilled cheese or seafood. After much self talk I came to this conclusion: 

I’m tired.

A lot of things have led to this assessment. But one thing I’m extremely tired of is being tired. In the last few years I’ve become increasingly frustrated with my inability to properly care for myself when there are many things on my plate. I find I am often extremely loyal to an organization or cause without giving the proper attention to my own personal development or self care. As a result I see things wearing thin and breaking down in my life as I push myself to keep things moving ahead for others. 

I’m loyal….to a proverbial fault.

However, I’ve made small changes and I can start to see progress.

One of those areas that needs to see the greatest amount of change is my health. Year after year, my weight continues to steadily grow to a weight that no Bran has thought her hips would grow.

Okay I’m being slightly dramatic. Yet there’s truth to my jesting. This sistah is tired and not being in the best of health just makes it worse. Over the past two years I’ve surprised my doctors when they see my weight and they find my blood pressure is normal. They always give me the side eye when I mention I’m not on any meds for anything. “You’re lucky,” one doctor told me. I don’t see it as luck. It’s more like grace. I think God is giving me time to start treating this body as if I actually like it. Some of the most obese people in the U.S. are church folk. How many times can I quote scripture about “presenting my body as a living sacrifice” before I actually follow those words up with action?

Ouch. 

Which leads me to the point of this post. I’m tired because I’ve allowed myself to be tired. I’ve allowed unhealthy habits to remain in my life, making fatigue the norm. One reason I’m tired is because I’m carrying a load that I was never meant to carry. 

That’ll preach.

A load that increases with my negligence. Not anymore.

In year 34, I’m focusing on “laying aside the weight” so this perpetual fatigue becomes a distant memory along with its unhealthy cousins that seem to come with it. My goal over the next year is to lose 100 lbs while developing healthy habits that will be the foundation for a long fruitful life.

Along the way I’ll share my progress and setbacks, allowing you to cheer me on or commiserate. There’s a lot of hard work ahead but I’ve already started the necessary changes that will insure success. You can follow my weekly updates at www.instagram.com/yumefulfilled. This is a goal that can’t wait for another New Year’s Resolution. With my work schedule and all that I’m trying to accomplish I need to be in tip top shape to see things to fruition.

Here’s to starting small and finishing big. 
 

I’m at my heaviest weight here! It has to go!
 

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