Here’s to dreaming

I dream….a lot. My dreams are extremely vivid.  They don’t  involve a multi-member team of highly sophisticated crooks led by a successful multi-million dollar hollywood actor with a penchant for overly-complicated film roles but my dreams can be pretty complex.  In my dreams I do things that I would not normally do like fly and run and cook. I’ll let you guess which one of those was a joke. 😉

One thing that I have always had the tendency to do is reason in my dream. If I am being chased after a bit of Jackie Joyner type sprinting my subconcious makes the announcement that I am dreaming and I make an attempt to wake myself up. On one occasion someone was chasing me with a gun and I remember turning to them and saying “Pulease, this is only a dream. I am tired of this foolishness!” Shortly after my bold declaration, I woke up. Call me weird but that is how it’s always been for me.

In reality my dreams are taking a beating. I have recently taken notice of a number of opposing forces thrown in my path as I chase after my dreams. Bills, living expenses, personal insecurities, employment and other obstacles have been hurled before me like trash cans and paper boxes thrown at a police officer in hot pursuit of  suspect with multiple outstanding warrants. I think you get the picture. Bad boys, bad boys…whatcha gonna do…whatcha gonna do when they come for you….

Prior to my decision to resume my studies full-time life was not easy. Although I was gainfully employed (HA!) I struggled to make ends meet (what does that look like anyway?), held my peace of mind in a strong headlock as social situations tried to “stress me out” and questioned my sanity as others went crazy around me. I weighed my options, counted the costs and considered the risks which required a leap of faith that I was willing to take.  Months later, after my “calculated” decision, I continue to struggle to make ends meet. My peace of mind is now in a sleeper hold so it won’t budge an inch while my perseverance gets the DDT (à la Jake the Snake in the old WWF days).

At this point, I have stopped counting. I have no clue which round I am in. All I know is that I have bruises, maybe even a bit of swelling in a few spots. Every time I’m knocked down I -albeit slowly- get back up. These numerous obstructions seem to constantly tap each other in their tag-team assault on my dreams. Just as I reason with my subconscious while dreaming I reason with myself while awake. I tell myself that my current situation, although impacted by similar deterrents, is better than it was a year ago. I am hard-pressed to convince my psyche that this painful season of growth is necessary. I inform my obstacles that they are being allowed to stick around to make my success story greater.

I have a few obstacles, a few bad decisions, a few mistakes that I have to deal with that may be a bit uncomfortable but the dream remains and the pursuit continues.

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